Wishes and Memories
by Karen8
Summary: The Enterprise crew visits a planet where their thoughts become reality.


Title: Wishes and Memories  
  
Author: Karen Foy (kfoy@networktrainers.com)  
  
Series: TNG  
  
Part: NEW 1/1  
  
Rating: [PG-13]  
  
Codes: P/C, C/?, P/?  
  
Summary: The Enterprise crew visits a planet where their thoughts become reality.  
  
Author's Note: This story was inspired by my favorite episode from Star Trek, TOS, Shore Leave. For those of you not familiar with the episode by title, it is the story in which McCoy encounters a large white rabbit and Kirk battles with his old academy foe, Finnegan. My thanks, as always, to all the people who have helped in the process, but especially to Ang, who has always been there with her friendship, honesty and a kind word, and to Mariel, who offered me encouragement and support, but also gave me a gentle kick when I needed to stay on track.  
  
Timeline: About two years after the events in Star Trek: Insurrection.  
  
****************  
  
Wishes and Memories  
  
Captain's Log: Stardate 54177.3  
  
After another tense situation with the Romulans, I have instructed Commander Data to find an M Class planet suitable for a much-needed shore leave. Mr. Data has located a little known planet in the nearby Omicron Delta region that has, on occasion, been used for recreational purposes by members of Starfleet. I am awaiting further details on the planet from the commander.  
  
********************  
  
Jean-Luc Picard sat back in his chair. The senior staff was gathered in the conference room. All of them showed signs of fatigue.  
  
"Mr. Data, I'm not that familiar with the planets in this region of space. What can you tell us about it?"  
  
"I have found several references to the region in Starfleet records, sir. Most recently, the Federation ship Horatio visited this region approximately 14 years ago."  
  
Beverly turned to Picard and touched his arm lightly. "The Horatio? That was Walker's ship, but I don't remember him mentioning a shore leave here before."  
  
Picard grinned at the doctor. "I guess even Walker had some secrets, Beverly. I'm sure he didn't tell us about *all* his shore leaves." Beverly returned his smile, relieved that her friend appeared a little more at ease than he had been during the past few weeks. It had been a long time since their last shore leave and tensions on the ship ran high.  
  
"It is not unusual, Doctor, for persons who have visited this system to keep that information private," Data responded. "I have studied many of the logs of personnel who have taken shore leave on this planet. Details of what we will find there are *sketchy* at best." Data glanced from the Captain to Riker, looking for an indication that he had used the colloquialism correctly. Riker gave him a wry grin, which Data took as an approval of his terminology, before the android continued his report. "It appears that each person's experiences were of such a personal nature that very few described the events in any detail. Though the logs were somewhat vague, there were several entries involving common themes, such as occurrences of meeting old friends and reliving parts of one's past. There were also references that one must learn to control one's own mind in order to enjoy the planet fully. However, I have found nothing to suggest that there were any permanent detrimental effects of visiting the planet."  
  
"Permanent affects, Mr. Data?"  
  
"Yes, Captain. Several visitors mentioned that before they learned to control the events occurring around them, there were a few *incidents* involving injury and one involving the death of the chief surgeon aboard the original USS Enterprise, Dr. Leonard McCoy."  
  
"His death?" Picard shifted in his seat and glanced around at the other members of the staff before directing his attention back to Data. "I'm a little confused, Mr. Data. I met Admiral McCoy before our initial launch 13 years ago. Though he was quite elderly at the time, I can assure you he was not 'dead'."  
  
"Yes, sir. The doctor's injuries were later determined not to be as serious as first believed." Data paused for a moment and tilted his head slightly. "Curious, sir. Though the events described in the logs did mention several incidents of the crew being in dangerous situations, the most prominent descriptions of their stays on the planet included the words 'stimulating' or 'exciting'. I cannot see the correlation between placing oneself in a life-threatening situation and enjoying the experience."  
  
Picard smiled at the senior staff before turning his attention back to the commander. "Mr. Data, it is human nature to explore the depths of one's own limitations. Testing one's mettle as it were. Though the events themselves may seem fool-hearted, the results of such a test can be quite satisfying." His grin faded as he continued. "None the less, I think it prudent that we send an away team to the surface prior to my granting shore leave for the crew."  
  
"Agreed, captain. The logs suggest that we should contact someone on the planet known as the caretaker in order to make arrangements for shore leave."  
  
"And how do we contact this 'caretaker?'  
  
"According to the logs, once we are on the planet, he will simply appear when we summon him."  
  
"Very well." He turned toward Riker. "Commander, you and an away team will beam down to planet and speak with this 'caretaker'. And, Number One, I'd prefer a nice, quiet shore leave, so make sure there are no misunderstandings."  
  
Riker nodded. "Yes, sir. Mr. Data, Counselor, Doctor, you're with me."  
  
The captain glanced around the room. "If there is nothing else, you're dismissed."  
  
Picard remained seated as his staff left the room. Sitting back in his chair, he let out a weary sigh. He was tired. For once, no one would have to make him take shore leave.  
  
***************  
  
The away team materialized in a small glade overlooking a lake. Data and Crusher immediately pulled out their tricorders and began surveying the surrounding area.  
  
A few minutes later, Beverly was the first to report her findings.  
  
"The plant life appears to be real, but it's not. It's not even living matter. From what I can tell, it was manufactured somehow, but there are no signs of growth or decay. In fact, outside of the away team, I don't pick up any living material at all on the planet.  
  
"The entire surface of the planet is replicated matter?" Riker asked.  
  
"Apparently," Crusher replied, studying her tricorder. "But it's unlike anything I've ever seen before."  
  
Data approached the commander and doctor. "You are correct, Doctor. The level at which this matter was created is much more sophisticated than anything we could produce aboard the Enterprise." Data looked at his tricorder again.  
  
"Curious sir, the atmosphere of the planet is quite capable of producing and sustaining life, yet it appears that ability has been suppressed. Why would anyone find it necessary to replicate matter when it could occur naturally?"  
  
Riker shook his head. "I'm not sure, Mr. Data. Perhaps it's time we contacted this caretaker. Deanna, do you sense any other intelligent beings on this planet?"  
  
Deanna was about to respond when a gray-haired man in a flowing robe appeared from behind a hedge and approached the group.  
  
Riker glanced at his three companions and then back to the man.  
  
"Are you the caretaker of this planet?" he asked.  
  
The man smiled. "Welcome, Commander Riker. Welcome to all of you. It is indeed a pleasure to have you visit our planet."  
  
Riker stared at the man curiously. "You know my name?"  
  
The caretaker grinned. "Of course. You're Commander William T. Riker, first officer of the USS Enterprise." He walked over to the other members of the away team. "And this is Doctor Beverly Crusher, Counselor Deanna Troi and Commander Data. He studied Data for a moment. "You are an android, are you not?" Data's nod brought a wry smile to the caretaker's face. "Amazing," he said slowly before turning his attention back to Riker.  
  
"There's no need to be concerned, Commander," the caretaker said with a smile. "We know all about you. It's part of what we do here. How else could we serve your needs? We are a peaceful people and our only wish is that you enjoy yourselves."  
  
Riker looked from Data to Beverly and Deanna and then back to the caretaker.  
  
"We appreciate your hospitality, Caretaker, but we are somewhat concerned about previous reports of injuries on your planet."  
  
The caretaker shook his head and smiled softly. "Do not be concerned, Commander. Over the years, we have learned to adapt our planet for your species to avoid serious injury. We regret any misunderstandings in the past, but rest assured, your people will be quite safe here."  
  
Riker shrugged and looked back at the others, silently requesting their input or questions for the caretaker.  
  
"Exactly, *what* can we do here?" Beverly asked.  
  
The caretaker grinned. "Anything your heart desires, my dear lady. It is completely up to you to decide what transpires while you are here." The older man raised his arms to indicate the surrounding areas. "Some people come to enjoy the peace and quiet this planet can offer." Facing the doctor again quickly, he continued with a hint of mischievousness in his voice. "Others go on adventures that they have only dreamed of. Still others act out their deep-hidden fantasies. Remember, nothing is permanent here. You can do anything you wish."  
  
The caretaker studied her for a moment before turning back to Riker.  
  
"Commander, you must decide if and how you will use our planet. I am merely a guide. If you need me, I will appear again. It is, however, my sincere wish that you will indulge yourselves for a little while and enjoy what we can offer. I believe you will find it quite *unique*. As for now, I will leave you to decide."  
  
Without another word, the caretaker nodded politely, walked back into the hedge and was gone.  
  
Riker's eyebrows shot up and he let out a sigh.  
  
"Well, what do you think?" he asked his companions as they began walking back toward the glade. "It all seems harmless enough."  
  
"Almost too good," Beverly laughed. She paused a moment to look at a flower along the path before looking back to Riker.  
  
The commander smiled and then turned toward Deanna.  
  
The counselor knew his question before he asked it. "I sense no deception in him at all. He is quite sincere that he hopes we enjoy ourselves here." She turned slightly and noticed that Beverly was no longer following them. The doctor was still standing near the flower, staring at the plant absently.  
  
"Beverly," she called to her friend as she walked toward her. The doctor looked up quickly, noticing the concern on Deanna's face.  
  
"Oh, it's all right, Deanna," she said. "I guess I just got lost there for a moment." She laughed lightly and then motioned toward the plant. "I was just surprised to find this here. I haven't seen one in over 20 years."  
  
Deanna was now standing next to the doctor and looked at the flower, touching its petals lightly. "It's lovely. What is it?"  
  
Beverly laughed again. "I have no idea. But I do recognize it, Deanna. It grew in the back yard of our apartment building in San Francisco." She gazed at the flower again, seeming to get lost again in the memories that it evoked. "It's funny. I was just thinking that tree over there would make a great spot for a swing, like the one Wesley had when he was little. And then I looked down and there was the flower. How could it be growing here, thousands of light years from earth?" she asked quietly.  
  
Deanna shrugged. "I don't know." She touched her friend lightly on the arm. "Maybe we should be getting back to the beam-down point. I'm sure the captain is anxious for our report."  
  
Beverly nodded and the two started walking toward the glade. She turned slightly at the sound of rustling behind them and gasped.  
  
"Hello, Beverly."  
  
Deanna wheeled around to see her friend standing frozen in her place, facing an unknown man near the bushes.  
  
She walked quickly to her side and touched her arm, causing the doctor to jump slightly.  
  
"Beverly, do you know this man?" she asked softly. She could sense that the doctor was startled at his presence, but did not fear him.  
  
After a moment, Beverly blinked and took in a shaky breath. She tried to speak, but her throat was suddenly dry and she swallowed to try to sooth it.  
  
"It's . Deanna, it's Jack." She had not taken her eyes off the young man. She shook herself again and spoke to him. "Who are you?" she asked in a steady voice, forcing her analytical mind to focus on the fact that this was not really her husband. "Why are you here, presenting yourself like this?"  
  
The young man smiled. "You know who I am, Beverly." He chuckled slightly and sat down on a rock near the bushes. "As for why I'm here, well, I guess you wanted me to show up. That's the way it works here, you know."  
  
Beverly worked to control her breathing and heartbeat. "I. I don't understand?"  
  
He stood up and approached her slowly, but stopped a few feet away as she began to back up slightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He gazed into her eyes and spoke softly. "You were thinking of me, so here I am. I will go away if that's what you want." He turned slightly as if he was leaving, but Beverly reached out and grabbed his arm.  
  
"No, please. Don't leave." She didn't know what possessed her to touch him. Her mind knew this wasn't her husband. Yet he looked so much like Jack, the way he held his body, his smile, even the clothes and cologne he wore.  
  
He turned back to her and she looked away quickly. She was embarrassed by her actions and taken aback by his smile, so like her Jack's smile in the way it reflected in his eyes. He was exactly as she remembered him.  
  
Beverly jumped when Troi touched her arm again. "I don't know what's going on, Beverly, but I think we should be getting back to the ship." Deanna paused for a moment as the doctor continued to stare at the man across from her. "Beverly?"  
  
Noticing the concern in her voice, Beverly turned back to Deanna and gave her a reassuring smile. "It's okay, I guess I was just caught off guard for a moment." She glanced back to the young man and for a moment considered asking to remain on the planet while the away team returned with their report. Rationally, she knew this was not really her Jack. Still she was drawn to him. It was all very confusing, to say the least. She knew she needed to distance herself from him in order to sort out her feelings. Taking a shaky breath, she faced Deanna again.  
  
"You're right, Deanna. I'm sure Jean-Luc is waiting for our report."  
  
She turned back to the young man when she heard him chuckle. He quieted when Beverly gave him a questioning look and raised his hands, palms forward, in front of him.  
  
"I'm sorry. I just realized that Johnny was on the ship. I'll bet he has a cow when you tell him I'm down here," he chuckled again. After a moment, his smile faded and his eyes turned serious. "You are coming back, aren't you?"  
  
He lowered his voice to almost a whisper. "I've really missed you, Bev." Beverly swallowed hard at the sincerity she heard in his words and nodded slowly at his request. He acknowledged her nod with a grin and raised his voice a little. "And tell Jean-Luc that I'd really like to see him, too. There are some things that we should talk about, don't you think?"  
  
Beverly nodded again as she turned back toward the glade. Not knowing exactly what he meant by the comment about Jean-Luc or how to respond to it, she started walking toward Riker and Data.  
  
*******************  
  
Sitting in the conference room across from the away team, Picard noticed that Beverly had been unusually quite while Riker gave his report on the planet.  
  
"It was a strange experience, to say the least, Captain. He seemed to know everything about us and after what Doctor Crusher experienced.." He glanced at Beverly cautiously and then looked back to the captain. "I'm not sure exactly what to recommend."  
  
Picard's eyes turned again toward Beverly, who was staring absently at the table. "Doctor?"  
  
She jumped slightly at the sound of his voice and looked at him for the first time since entering the room. Still trying to sort out in her mind what had happened on the planet, she had hoped that Will would tell Jean- Luc about her encounter with Jack. She shot the commander a pleading look before turning her eyes back to the table and taking a deep breath.  
  
"I was thinking about the apartment in San Francisco where we used to live," she began slowly. Taking another shaky breath, she looked back to Picard and steadied herself. "Somehow, they read my thoughts, and before I knew what was happening, he was standing there in front of me."  
  
Picard was about to question her further when she continued suddenly. "Jean-Luc, it was Jack." She swallowed quickly and diverted her eyes again. "I mean, I know it wasn't really Jack. It was just an image of him, something they had taken from my mind, but it was like he was really there, as real as any of us." She kept her eyes lowered and blinked several times, sighing quickly. "I don't really know how to describe it."  
  
Jean-Luc was stunned by what he had just heard and shifted in his chair before glancing toward Riker and Troi. Each silently acknowledged that what Beverly had said was true. He turned back to the doctor and could see that Beverly was fighting to keep her composure. Data had mentioned that others had experienced encounters with people from the past, but he needed more information.  
  
"Mr. Data, I want to know exactly what happened to Dr. Crusher and why before we go any further. I want your report in one hour. Until then, you're all dismissed."  
  
As the other members of the staff rose to leave, Beverly remained in her chair, her palms resting flat on the table. She knew that Jean-Luc would want to talk with her alone. Troi brushed by her on the way to the door and touched her arm lightly. "I'll see you later." The doctor looked up at Deanna and smiled weakly before diverting her eyes once again to the table.  
  
When everyone had left the room, Picard rubbed his fingers over his upper lip absently, giving her the time she needed before speaking. He fought the urge to walk over to where she was seated and take her in his arms. He knew that eventually the professional wall she tried to maintain during the meeting would crumble and fall. After a few moments, she looked up at him again and her lip began to tremble. That was the sign he had been looking for.  
  
Neither of them spoke as he walked the few paces to pull her from her chair and into his embrace. He held her tightly as she allowed the tears to flow freely, murmuring comforting words to her as he stoked her back and neck lightly with his hand.  
  
Picard kept his own emotions in check as he held her. He could only imagine what she was feeling. Beverly had rarely spoken of Jack since coming on board the Enterprise almost 12 years ago, and then only in passing. He knew that she had loved him deeply and his death had taken its toll on her, but that had been nearly 20 years before. How could he begin to understand her pain and confusion after being so abruptly confronted with this facsimile of her dead husband? He pushed away his own emotions for now, not willing to deal with his own feelings of having an image of his old friend on the planet below. For now, he would concentrate on helping Beverly.  
  
When her sobbing subsided, he gently sat her back down in her chair and scooted another chair beside her for himself. He held her hands in his for a while longer until she pulled away from him slightly , wiping away the last remnants of her tears with her hand. He wanted nothing more than to pull her back into his embrace, but allowed her the space she needed as she sat back in the chair.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jean-Luc. I guess all of this caught me off guard. I just never expected." Her voice trailed off as she stared at her lap, embarrassed by her earlier breakdown.  
  
"There's no need to be sorry. I am your friend, Beverly." He reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I can only imagine what you're feeling right now, but I want you to know that I'm here if you need me."  
  
She looked at him for the first time and gave him a slight smile. Picard wasn't convinced by her show of strength. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly.  
  
Taking a shaky breath, Beverly looked away and shook her head. "No, not right now. I'm still trying to sort it all out in my mind."  
  
Understanding her need to be alone for a while, Picard stood and gently pulled her to her feet to face him. He raised her chin with his fingers so that she was forced to look at him.  
  
"Just remember that I am here if you need me. Why don't you take the afternoon off and go back to your quarters for a while. I'll stop by later after Data gives me his report?"  
  
She nodded slowly, accepting his terms, before leaning in and kissing his cheek lightly. "Thank you, Jean-Luc." He smiled slightly as she pulled back, but his concern kept the smile from reaching his eyes. Slowly, he released her hands and she turned, silently leaving the room.  
  
When the doors closed, Picard's smile quickly faded into an angry scowl. "Picard to Data, report to my ready room as soon as your research is complete."  
  
A few minutes later, Picard settled down at the desk with a steaming cup of tea. Fifteen minutes had passed and Data had still not contacted him with a report. Picard found himself growing more and more impatient. Despite his efforts to busy himself with other ship's business, his mind lingered on the planet below. He was still too angry and appalled by the cruelty of Beverly's experience to deal with his own emotions. How could anyone be so unfeeling as to put her in that situation, he asked himself. He also chided himself for sending her on the mission in the first place, even if there was no way for him to know the outcome. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.  
  
His patience was near its limits when the door chimed. "Come," he ordered, a little louder than he normally would answer.  
  
The door opened and Picard indicated with his hand for the commander to have a seat.  
  
"Report, Mr. Data."  
  
"Captain, I have scanned all records pertaining to this planet, taking into account mission and personal logs, and have come up with little else to add to my original findings. As in Doctor Crusher's experience, there have been several other instances of personnel seeing or speaking with dead friends or relatives. However, without exception, all of these sightings were reported in the logs as positive experiences. Some even mentioned that the encounters were therapeutic in nature. Perhaps the same will be true in Dr. Crusher's experience."  
  
"Therapeutic?" Picard raised his voice more than he had wished. "It scared the hell out of her, Data. How can you even consider that seeing the ghost of her dead husband as therapeutic? It sounds more like a nightmare."  
  
The android was confused by the captain's attitude toward his report. Though his knowledge of human emotions had increased dramatically in the past few years, he had not fully grasped the full spectrum of these emotions. He paused, running a subroutine once more. Perhaps his analysis of the doctor's reactions had been in error. While on the planet, she appeared more confused than frightened. During the briefing, he had noticed an increased heart rate in the doctor, but again, she did not appear to be frightened by the experience. He could best classify her responses as what Riker would have called 'off balanced.' He decided to store the information away for further analysis.  
  
"Forgive me, sir. I did not mean to appear unfeeling toward Doctor Crusher's situation."  
  
Picard recognized the efforts of the commander to understand the situation and chided himself for raising his voice. He had let his own unresolved emotions dictate his responses. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he raised a hand toward the Commander.  
  
"No, Mr. Data. It is I who should apologize. This whole situation has been a little unsettling, to say the least." He gave Data a small smile. "Please, continue with your report."  
  
Data tilted his head to the side, his brain again focusing on the information he had gathered. "Yes sir. As in my initial report, I found nothing to indicate that encounters with those on the planet had any detrimental effects on the crews. According to previous accounts, the "beings" that inhabit this planet are manufactured in much the same way as the plants and atmosphere were created, depending on the needs of those who visit. Despite your earlier suggestion that Dr. Crusher had met a ghost, in reality, the individual she described as Jack Crusher was only a manufactured facsimile based on how the caretaker, and others like him, read her thoughts and wishes. In effect, the evidence suggests that she *wanted* to see him and, therefore, he appeared. It is the same with all other aspects of the planet. The caretaker apparently has the ability to read people's thoughts and transcribe those thoughts into reality. In his log, Ambassador Spock used the term 'amusement park' to describe the planet."  
  
Picard sat back in his chair and frowned. "Well, Mr. Data, I am not 'amused.' Perhaps, if we had known more about the caretaker's abilities, Dr. Crusher would have been better prepared to deal with what happened."  
  
"Yes sir. I feel that I must apologize to Dr. Crusher. Apparently my previous report was inadequate in describing the caretaker's abilities. I do not yet fully understand the human need to witness an event before making the determination that the event is indeed real. In retrospect, the term, 'seeing is believing,' comes to mind. I mistakenly assumed that the away team understood what to expect on the planet."  
  
Data paused for a moment, considering his next words before turning back to the captain. "Sir, over the last few years, I have developed relationships with certain members of the crew and consider Dr. Crusher to be one of my friends. I am suddenly aware of the fact that my error may have inadvertently hurt her. Do you feel that I may have damaged our friendship?"  
  
Picard almost smiled at the innocence of Data's question. "Mr. Data, I do not consider this incident the result of any 'error' on your part. It is perhaps our own fault in not taking your report as seriously as we should have. Nonetheless, I will tell Dr. Crusher of your concerns. I don't, however, believe she will hold you responsible in any way for what happened."  
  
Data appeared satisfied with his answer. "Thank you, sir."  
  
"Well then, Mr. Data, if there is nothing else, you're dismissed."  
  
As Data stood, he nodded his dismissal to the captain before exiting the ready room. Picard sat back in his chair for a moment, considering the ramifications of Data's report. Even with Data's assurances that the affects of the caretaker's planet were benign, he had not decided whether or not to allow shore leave on the planet. Something in Data's report gnawed at him, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. After a few moments, he stood and tugged at the hem of his uniform. Beverly was expecting him and he didn't want to keep her waiting.  
  
****************  
  
In the quietness of her quarters, Beverly mulled over the events of the afternoon. When she first returned to her cabin, it had taken several moments just to calm down. Officially, she was off duty and had changed out of her uniform. Taking a cup of tea from the replicator, she ran a hand through her hair and sat on the sofa.  
  
Most of the initial shock of seeing her dead husband had worn off. She realized that seeing him had been more unexpected than anything else. After all, she realized, she had seen images of him numerous times since his death, old messages that she replayed, holophotos of the two of them during their life together, even an actual image from a holodeck recording that Wesley had shown her several years ago.  
  
What had really thrown her a curve was the interaction she was able to have with this new representation of Jack.  
  
Several times over the years, she had considered creating an interactive image of him on the holodeck. It wouldn't have been that difficult to produce, but even as sophisticated as the holodeck was, she knew it would never have seemed real. The Jack she met on the planet was quite different than a hologram: he *did* appear real, even though she knew he wasn't. It was quite remarkable, really. The caretaker had been able to reproduce him down to the tiniest details - the way he walked, his voice, the grin that was unmistakably "Jack", even his scent. She smiled at the memory.  
  
The sound of the door chime brought her back to the present. A shiver went through her as she realized it was probably Jean-Luc. She wasn't exactly sure why, but the thought of seeing him right now made her nervous. Not rising from her position on the sofa, she called for the visitor to enter and was surprised when she saw Troi standing in the doorway.  
  
"Deanna, hi. I wasn't really expecting you. Come on in," she motioned to her friend.  
  
Troi smiled at the doctor's apparent change of mood since the staff meeting and took a seat at the other end of the sofa. "Feeling better, I see?"  
  
Crusher smiled softly and nodded. "Much, thank you. Would you like something to drink?"  
  
"No thanks. I just stopped by to see how you were doing." Her smile faded as she leaned slightly closer to Beverly. "You had quite a shock on the planet."  
  
Beverly chuckled slightly. "I guess you could say that. The last thing I expected to see today was Jack."  
  
Deanna tilted her head slightly. "You mean, an image of Jack?"  
  
The doctor recognized the concern in her friend's voice and smiled at her reassuringly. "Of course I do, Deanna. I know it wasn't really Jack. I'm not confused here about what's really going on. Jack's been dead a long time." She rose from the sofa and crossed the room to the view port, keeping her back to the counselor.  
  
Beverly was quiet for several moments and Deanna allowed her the time to gather her thoughts. She could see that Beverly was much calmer than she had been at the staff meeting, but she also knew that she wasn't totally at ease with the situation, despite her good mood.  
  
"Deanna, do you remember telling me about your father, how he protected you when you were a little girl? What was it you said, that he 'carried you when the ground was muddy and kept you safe?' You said you wouldn't hesitate if you had the chance to see him again."  
  
Deanna thought back to the only time she could remember talking with Beverly about her father. Beverly had been struggling with her feelings for Ambassador Odan, a Trill whose species existed as both a host body and a simbiant being. She had fallen in love with him, but their relationship took on a strange twist when Odan's host body was killed and the simbiant, Odan, was temporarily transferred into Will's body. Deanna had encouraged her to follow her heart and continue the relationship with Odan, through Will. Later, Odan was transferred to the new host, a Trill female, and Beverly broke off the relationship, stating that she couldn't keep up with possible continued changes of a joined species.  
  
"Of course I remember, but this isn't the same situation, Beverly. Odan was alive, even though he had taken on a different form. That's not really Jack on the planet."  
  
She sighed heavily and crossed her arms as she continued to gaze out the view port. "I know, but it's the closest I'll ever get to seeing him again. I don't think I could forgive myself if I let this chance slip away." Beverly turned toward Deanna quickly. "This is something I need to do, Deanna. I need to see him again. I don't know why. Maybe I just need some type of closure. Maybe I need to say goodbye. I didn't have the chance to do that before, not really. It seemed like one moment we were talking on subspace and the next he was gone. I thought seeing his body in the morgue would help, but it didn't. It just left me feeling emptier than before. All I know is, this is something I need to do. Does that make any sense?"  
  
Deanna smiled gently and stood, walking over to Beverly. "I don't have all the answers, Beverly. I just don't want you to get hurt. Besides, it could be a moot point. The captain could decide not to grant shore leave here?"  
  
Beverly's eyes widened at her last comment. "I hadn't really thought of that. I've been so wrapped up in the idea of seeing Jack again that I hadn't considered what Jean-Luc thought about this." She looked at Deanna squarely in the eye. "What do you think he's going to do?"  
  
"Well, I don't know. I'm sure the captain is considering all the possibilities, just as he always does." Deanna led Beverly to the sofa again and gently sat her down. "Beverly, you're not the only one who's been affected by this. The captain was deeply troubled by what happened on the planet, not only because you were upset by it." She paused for a moment before continuing. "The two of them were very close, weren't they?" she asked softly.  
  
Beverly took a shaky breath and looked away as she considered Deanna's question. "Yes, they were best friends," she said slowly. "Jean-Luc was his commanding officer when he . when Jack was killed." She looked back up at her friend. "I'm sorry, Deanna. Perhaps I was so caught up in the thought of seeing him again that I never considered how this would effect Jean-Luc." She looked down to her lap for a moment. "For a long time he felt guilty about . about Jack's death. I guess, in a way, he still does."  
  
Deanna could feel that her friend was holding something back. She laid her hand on Beverly's and spoke softly. "But there's more to it than that, isn't there?"  
  
Beverly kept her eyes lowered as she nodded slowly. She knew that Jack's death wasn't the only thing that Jean-Luc felt guilty about. He had told her several years earlier that he also felt guilty because he had been in love with her while she had still been married to Jack. His death had only added to that guilt. Especially in recent years, Jack's ghost had loomed between them whenever either of them considered taking their relationship to a different level. Both had known his ghost existed, but neither had been willing to talk about it. Now, she realized that in Jean-Luc's mind, that phantom had taken on human form, and he was living on the planet below them.  
  
Deanna sensed Beverly's uneasiness over her question and decided not to pursue the issue. She knew the captain and Beverly had unresolved feelings for each other, but respected their wish to keep those feelings private.  
  
"Beverly, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to see him again. It's just that I want you to keep things in perspective, for your sake, as well as the captain's."  
  
Beverly forced a faint smile and looked back up at her friend. "I will, Deanna. You've given me a lot of things to think about. Thank you."  
  
Deanna was about to respond when the door chimed and they both jumped slightly.  
  
The doctor took another shaky breath to steady her feelings. "That's probably Jean-Luc. He said he would stop by after Data's report."  
  
Deanna smiled and rose from the sofa. "Then I'll leave the two of you alone to talk."  
  
Beverly smiled her thanks and rose from the sofa as well before answering the door's hail. The counselor was halfway to the door when it opened to admit the captain.  
  
He appeared a little startled as he quickly entered and had to dodge the grinning counselor.  
  
"Good evening, Captain. I was just leaving." She looked over her shoulder as she left the room. "Call me if you need to talk later."  
  
"Thanks. Good night, Deanna."  
  
After the doors closed, Beverly looked back to Jean-Luc, who was still standing near the entrance. From the look on his face, he appeared as though he was aware he'd walked into a conversation that he most likely wouldn't want to know about. Beverly grinned and motioned toward the sofa.  
  
"Hi. Come in and have a seat. I was just about to have another cup of tea. Would you like some?"  
  
The captain shook his head and pushed his shoulders back. "No thank you, Doctor. I just came by to-" He stopped himself, realizing that he had answered the question automatically, a defensive reaction to hide his own uneasiness about talking to Beverly. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to change tactics. He owed his friend more than just a quick summary of Data's report.  
  
"On the other hand, perhaps some tea would be nice." He walked over to the sofa, but didn't sit down yet. "I see that you're feeling better?" he asked cautiously. He was still nervous, but was trying to hide it.  
  
"Yes, I am. Thank you," she responded as she walked over to the sofa with their tea and they both sat. "I guess I just needed to put things into perspective, as Deanna put it." She smiled softly at him and he forced himself to return the smile. After a moment, she touched his arm lightly. "Jean-Luc, I'm sorry about falling apart on you earlier. I shouldn't have been-"  
  
Picard cut her off before she could continue. "Beverly, there's nothing for you to feel sorry about. You were upset. It was perfectly-" It was her turn to break in.  
  
"Yes there is, Jean-Luc. It was a shock, true, but I was acting selfishly. I never even considered your feelings, how this all affected you."  
  
Picard was quiet for a moment, letting his captain's mask form on his face. He sat up straighter on the sofa. "I don't know what you mean. This has nothing to do-"  
  
She cut him off again, annoyed by his tactic and not afraid to show it. "Don't do that."  
  
"What?" he replied defensively.  
  
"That," she motioned to his rigid form. "That thing that you do when you try to hide your feelings. We need to talk about this, Jean-Luc. We need to talk about Jack."  
  
Picard fought the urge to stand as he sat up even straighter on the sofa. "That *thing* on the planet is not Jack, Beverly, and you know it. It's just a machine." He sounded both angry and annoyed. "I think you need to work a little more on putting things into perspective, as you put it. This has nothing to do with Jack *or* me. I came here because I was concerned about *you*."  
  
She let out a quick breath and shook her head in disbelief. It amazed her sometimes how quickly he could anger her, but now was not the time to let her anger show. Running her hand through her hair, she took another deep breath to calm herself before looking him steadily in the eye.  
  
"He wants to see you. He said there are some things you two need to talk about."  
  
At that, Picard stood and walked a few short paces before turning quickly back toward Beverly, his mouths slightly open before he spoke. Didn't she understand what was going on, he asked himself.  
  
"Beverly, he's not real."  
  
She stood also and faced him eye to eye.  
  
"He's as real as I've imagined him, Jean-Luc. I want to see him again and I think you should too. He's right: there are some things you need to discuss. Otherwise, you wouldn't be so upset."  
  
Picard puffed out a breath and turned slightly away from her. "I can't believe we're having this conversation. What could I possibly have to say to a .. a machine, a copy of a man I haven't seen in over 20 years? I can't imagine why you would want to see him either. He's not Jack, Beverly. Jack is dead. This thing is an *abomination* to his memory." He spat the words out, no longer even trying to hide his anger or disbelief.  
  
After a moment, Beverly forced herself to calm down again and touched his arm gently. She spoke softly, but the anger was still evident in her voice. "You're right, Jean-Luc. Jack is dead. He's been dead for a long time, but he's not gone. He's here now, not down on that damned planet, but right here, between us. And as long as we continue like this, he'll always be here. I, for one, want to put him to rest."  
  
She turned away from him when he didn't respond and walked over to the view port, crossing her arms as she stared out into space. When she finally decided to speak again, her voice held no anger, only defeat. "With your permission, Captain, I'd like to return to the planet."  
  
He studied her still form for several moments before responding. Tugging down on the hem of his uniform, he narrowed his eyes at her back and clinched his jaw. "Permission granted, Doctor," he said sternly before turning quickly and heading out the door.  
  
Beverly closed her eyes at the sound of his reply and the closing door. The angry tears, which she had held firmly in check during their argument, had now turned to tears of sorrow and she allowed them to flow freely down her cheeks.  
  
*******************  
  
When her alarm sounded the next morning, Beverly fought the urge the stay in bed. The argument with Jean-Luc had left her emotionally drained and her night had been plagued with strange and disturbing dreams of Jack and Jean-Luc. She couldn't remember any of the details of the dreams, but could still feel their residual affects.  
  
Suppressing a shiver, she got out of bed. She was apprehensive about seeing Jack again, but knew this was something she needed to do. After contacting sickbay, she arranged to transport down to the planet and got dressed, picking out a comfortable skirt and sweater. For a brief moment, she considered contacting Jean-Luc about having breakfast, but quickly dismissed the thought. After last night, she doubted that he would want to see her and she wasn't sure if she could handle another meeting with him now. She knew he wasn't happy about her seeing Jack again and didn't want to give him the chance to try and talk her out of it.  
  
She ordered a simple breakfast from the replicator and ate it quickly. It was only then that she considered whether or not to pack a bag for her stay. Would she be spending the night on the planet? With Jack? What did she really hope to accomplish by seeing him? What would it be like to feel him in her arms, to make love to him again? Was that really what she wanted? The thoughts flooded her mind and, for a moment, she began to question her own motives. Taking a quick breath, she shook herself physically and crossed her arms. No. This wasn't about sex, though she had to admit the thought of being with him again had its appeal. Jack had been a very attentive, gentle lover. He had never been afraid to show his feelings to her. It was one of the things that first attracted her to him. There was always an openness about him. Everyone knew what to expect from Jack. He rarely hid what he felt or what he wanted, not just from her, but also from life itself. It saddened her suddenly, the thought that the life he enjoyed so thoroughly had ended so quickly.  
  
Beverly took a deep breath and stood a little straighter. She knew that if she kept dwelling on her questions, she would loose her nerve. It was time for her to leave. She dismissed the thought of packing a bag. If she needed anything later, she could always come back for it. Taking a quick look in the mirror, she turned and left her quarters.  
  
She materialized in the glade and, after regaining her bearings, was surprised that she was alone. The transporter chief had told her that several people had beamed down before her and she could now only assume they had already embarked on their separate adventures. She jumped slightly at the sound of someone speaking her name and turned quickly toward the voice. Letting out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding, she relaxed again at the sight of him standing a few feet behind her.  
  
He walked to her slowly, his head slightly bowed though his eyes never strayed from her face. "I'm glad you came back," he began, taking her hand slowly in his. "I was afraid there for a moment that you wouldn't."  
  
His soft voice washed over her and she couldn't help but gasp slightly at the feel of his warm fingers against her hand. She looked down shyly at their joined hands, trying to control her breathing and heartbeat. "I told you that I would. Didn't you believe me?"  
  
He grinned and began walking away from the glade, gently towing her along as their hands swung between them. "I wasn't sure. It's been a long time since we last saw each other. A lot of things have happened since then. Feelings change. People change, too."  
  
"You haven't," she answered, smiling over at him quickly before diverting her eyes again to the path ahead of them.  
  
He looked at the side of her face as they walked and saw her smile was still there. His own grew brighter. "Is that a good thing?"  
  
Beverly slowed their walk and looked up toward the sky, closing her eyes to allow the warmth of the sun to wash over her face. It surprised her at how comfortable she felt, but she didn't question it. She knew she was where she needed to be. "Definitely," she replied softly.  
  
He tugged at her hand again as he began to lead her through a more dense area of the trees. "I'm glad," he chuckled. "It would have been pretty boring down here if you had decided not to come back." He pulled at her hand a little harder, quickening their pace. "Come on, there's somewhere I want to show you."  
  
After a few moments, the denseness of the forest subsided and Beverly felt a strange of sense of déjà vu. Certain areas of the forest seemed familiar and she subconsciously quickened their pace. Jack grinned as she took the lead and began to tug at his hand more forcefully. At a small clearing, she stopped suddenly and turned to him, her eyes wide. They were standing near what was little more than a large path, overgrown with weeds and brush, but still definable as an old roadbed.  
  
"I don't believe this, Jack," she said excitedly. "We're near your uncle's place."  
  
He grinned triumphantly. "It's just around the bend. Wanna see?" She narrowed her eyes at him, cautioning him playfully not to tease her too much. He chuckled at the look. "Come on," he pulled at her hand.  
  
After a few moments, they were standing on the front steps of the house. Beverly was amazed at how real everything looked.  
  
"It's just as I remember it," she said quietly.  
  
Jack turned toward her, his face only a few inches from her own. The grin was gone as he lifted her face with his fingers so that she saw the seriousness in his eyes. "Does that surprise you?"  
  
She was confused by his question for only a second before she lowered her eyes and face. In his own gentle way, he was reminding her that none of this was real. This wasn't really his uncle's cabin and he wasn't really her Jack.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "It's just that I didn't want you to forget why you're here. I don't want to hurt you again."  
  
She nodded slowly, but didn't look back up at him. "I know. I guess I got a little carried away."  
  
He raised her chin again so that her eyes met his. "Beverly, what exactly do you want?"  
  
A small smile crept to her lips and grew slowly. "I'll let you know, when I figure it out."  
  
He chuckled softly. "Well, in the meantime, how about we go inside?" He swatted at something in the air dramatically before slapping himself on the neck. "The bugs are eating me alive out here." She laughed at his attempt to lighten her mood before taking his offered hand.  
  
***************  
  
Picard stood with his arms crossed, staring out the view port of his ready room. The transporter chief, as requested, had advised him when she beamed down to the planet. That had been nearly four hours ago. Much of the crew had transported down that morning, some even leaving the night before after he announced the ship-wide shore leave. A skeleton crew ran the ship.  
  
He reached for the cup on his desk and cringed when the cold liquid touched his lips. It seemed like only a few moments ago, he had ordered the tea. Had he really been standing there that long? If she were there, Beverly would have accused him of brooding. Damn her, he cursed under his breath. Why couldn't she just let it be? Jack was dead. Let him rest in peace.  
  
The chime of the door shook him from his reverie.  
  
"Come," he announced, a bit annoyed at having been bothered.  
  
Troi entered the ready room and stood by his desk, waiting for the captain to acknowledge her. He glanced over his shoulder at her casually, never turning from his spot in front of the view port.  
  
"What can I do for you, Counselor?" he asked steadily, before diverting his eyes again to space.  
  
Troi noticed that the captain had not indicated her to sit, as was his usual practice when someone visited his ready room. It was a clear indication that he was not in the mood for casual conversation. She abided by his guideline and continued to stand, her hands joined in front of her.  
  
"Nothing really, Captain, I just wanted to inform you that I'm standing the bridge watch for the rest of this shift, in case you need anything."  
  
Picard looked back at her briefly, but didn't turn his body. "I thought Commander Data was on duty."  
  
"Yes, sir, he was, but he's covering engineering while Geordi visits the planet for a while." She pursed her lips and tried unsuccessfully to cover a grin. "It seems that Geordi discovered that our hosts could actually create a mock up of an experimental warp core and he wanted to test it out."  
  
Picard couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape, despite his sour mood. "Hasn't our chief engineer got anything on this mind for shore leave better than warp core dynamics?" His paused for a moment as his sour mood returned. "I'm sure if he put his mind to it, the planet could conjure up Dr. Brahms to join him for a little rest and relaxation."  
  
Troi could sense the captain's underlying feelings of anger and frustration. She knew that she would have to push him to the limit before he would allow those feelings to surface. It was part of her job to help the crew deal with difficult situations. Keeping his feelings so tightly bottled up was unhealthy, so she decided to add a little fuel to his smoldering fire.  
  
"Actually, sir, I did mention that, but Geordi said he'd rather spend time with the *real* Leah when we go back to Earth in a couple of months."  
  
Picard harrumphed at her last statement. "Not everyone agrees with our chief engineer."  
  
Troi stepped a little closer to him, but was careful not to invade his space. It was time to touch on the real issue at hand.  
  
"Perhaps, but not everyone has the real thing waiting for them at home. If you really think about it, this planet offers us an amazing opportunity to do things we never thought possible before. For Geordi, it's being able to crawl inside a functioning warp core. I hear that Ensign Palmer is reliving a part of his family's heritage, something about being a gunslinger in the American Wild West. I guess for Beverly, it was the chance to see Jack again. Beverly told me that the two of you were very close, but it bothers you that she wants to see him, doesn't it?"  
  
"That thing on the planet is not Jack Crusher," he argued. Picard clinched his jaw and lowered his voice. "Besides, what she does is her own business, as you've reminded me in the past, Counselor."  
  
Troi remembered that particular conversation all too well. Beverly had been under the influence of an anaphasic life form named Ronin, who had tried to pass himself off as a ghost tied to Beverly's Howard legacy. The alien's influence caused Beverly to resign her commission before she was able to overcome his power.  
  
"As I recall, what I actually said was that Beverly has the right to make her own choices, even if we don't agree with them." She took a small step closer to him. "However, in this case Captain, I do agree with her decision."  
  
Picard turned toward the counselor quickly, his eyes narrowed. "Even you know the danger of re-opening old wounds, Counselor."  
  
Troi didn't allow his warning to sway her and answered him steadily. "Perhaps, but not everything heals as it should, Captain. Sometimes when a wound doesn't heal properly, it stays with us for the rest of our lives."  
  
"And you think that's what's she doing, trying to re-heal an old wound?" It wasn't really a question.  
  
She considered her response for a moment. "What I think isn't really important. What matters is what Beverly believes. We all carry around feelings of regret, remorse for things we never did or said, guilt for things we're not proud of. Burying those feelings is one way of dealing with them, but eventually, if they're not dealt with properly, most of them come back to haunt us. Beverly's example may be something we can all learn from."  
  
Picard considered Troi's response as he continued to stare out the view port. "But, it's been 20 years, Deanna. What could she possibly have to say to him?"  
  
"I don't really know, Captain. I've never been in that situation." She paused for a moment, deciding whether or not to continue her train of thought. She decided to forge ahead. "If you had the chance, what would you say to Eline?"  
  
Her question stabbed at him as his body stiffened and he clinched his eyes shut. The memories of his life on Kataan were still strong, no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that none of it was real. Even now, his heart ached at the sound of her name. There were still times when he would dream of her, feel her warm body next to him as he slept, only to wake up to the cold reality that he was alone and always had been. He had never really been married. He had no children, no grandson. It was almost like fate had attempted to play a cruel joke, but failed. The events had never happened, yet the memories were real and he cherished them.  
  
For a moment, he considered denying the affect of her question. He knew, however, it would be a futile attempt.  
  
"To be perfectly honest, I hadn't really considered the possibility."  
  
"Riker to Troi."  
  
Deanna smiled as she tapped her comm badge. "Go ahead."  
  
"We're ready when your are, Counselor." She could hear the mischief behind his voice and suppressed a grin.  
  
"I should be off duty in about an hour and can beam down then," she answered.  
  
"Great." There was a silence at the other end of the comm link for a moment before he continued. "And Deanna. this time, I *will* be waiting for you."  
  
She smiled warmly, understanding his meaning. "I know," she said softly before closing the link.  
  
Picard glanced at the counselor and she felt his curiosity over Will's comment. Perhaps, she thought, the captain could also learn from their example.  
  
"I'm meeting Will at Risa, or at least this planet's representation. It was an appointment he missed some years ago and that decision kept us apart for a long time. Though, in the end, we both realized that he had made the right choice, he always felt guilty about it. Hopefully, this visit will help alleviate some of that guilt."  
  
Picard looked away from the view port and down to the floor for a moment. "I wish him all the luck, Deanna," he said quietly. "Guilt is a difficult thing to get rid of."  
  
Troi was touched by the sincerity of his comment. Rarely did he lower his emotional shields. She also recognized that he was not only speaking of Will's feelings of guilt. Not wanting the moment to pass, she considered her response quickly.  
  
"That's true, sir. A second chance to make things right is a rare gift. It would be a shame to pass up the opportunity."  
  
"What if you don't deserve a second chance?" he asked softly.  
  
"Most people do, sir."  
  
Picard merely nodded as he once again turned his eyes to the view port.  
  
"Well, sir, if there's nothing else, I should return to the bridge."  
  
He straightened his posture slightly and turned toward her, his shield firmly in place again but a slight smile on his face. "Thank you, Counselor."  
  
Before turning to leave the room, she returned the smile, content with the possibility that maybe he understood a little more about himself, and about Beverly, than he had a few minutes before.  
  
********** When she walked through the doorway, the memories the old house evoked came rushing back to Beverly. She and Jack had spent several weekends at the house during their time together, some with Wesley and some without. He had first brought her here shortly before their marriage. They had made love for the first time in this house.  
  
She had stopped a few feet inside the doorway, remembering a time so long ago. The house was just as she remembered it, a simple wooden structure with the front door opening into the living area. Off to one side was an eat-in kitchen and near the rear of the house were two small bedrooms. Jack came up behind her slowly and placed his hands on her shoulders. She jerked slightly at the contact and he lifted his hands for a few seconds before placing them again lightly on her shoulders.  
  
"Don't be afraid, Bev," he said softly, his lips close to her ear. "I won't do anything you don't want me to."  
  
She shivered at the feel of his breath on her neck and wrapped her arms around herself. "Maybe that's what I'm afraid of."  
  
He smiled at her comment and mimicked her movement, placing his own hands on top of hers, pulling her closer so that her back rested slightly against him. Slowly she began to relax against him and closed her eyes. It felt good to be held by him again. After a few moments he backed away slightly and led her to a large sofa. He settled down in a corner and pulled her to sit beside him, his arms around her as she settled back against him. She was quiet for several moments and closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his body next to hers, the gentle rise and fall of his chest against her back.  
  
Jack thought that she had fallen asleep until she finally began to speak softly.  
  
"I've missed you terribly, you know. There were days when I thought I would go out of mind after you died." He remained quiet, allowing her to continue at her own pace. "If it hadn't been for Walker, I think I would have. He looked out for me for a long time, made sure Wesley and I had everything we needed."  
  
Jack caressed her hair lightly with one hand as he spoke. "Walker was a good man. I knew he and Jean Luc would take care of you. You miss Walker, too, don't you?" She nodded softly. "He was very troubled when he was here."  
  
She turned in his arms and gasped. "You spoke to Walker?"  
  
He shrugged. "Well, it wasn't exactly me. No one remembers people the same way, but I guess you could say that I talked with him. I still have his memories." He paused for a moment before continuing. "It was a tough time for him and he needed a friend to talk to. Things were going on in the Federation that he didn't understand and then, of course, there was you."  
  
"Me, what do you mean 'me'? Walker and I were friends."  
  
"He was worried about you, especially after you requested the Enterprise. The last thing Walker heard was that Jean-Luc didn't want you aboard his ship and he was going to block your assignment." Jack chuckled. "I guess old Johnny didn't have as much influence as he thought."  
  
Beverly shook her head and smiled as well, remembering her old friend. "Walker should have known by then that I could take care of myself. I had a few friends of my own at Starfleet, you know."  
  
Jack arched his eyebrows and grinned. "Bev, I think that's why he was worried. He was afraid that you *would* get posted to the Enterprise, despite what Jean-Luc did."  
  
She blinked at him a few times before responding. "I don't understand. Didn't he think I deserved to get the Enterprise? I'd worked hard to get where I was."  
  
Jack shook his head. "No, it wasn't that. He knew you were qualified. He just didn't want to see you get hurt again." Jack could see from the expression on her face that she still didn't understand. He decided he would have to spell it out for her. "Look, Walker knew how Jean-Luc felt about you. He just didn't know how either of you would handle the situation." He paused for a moment and gave her a lop-sided grin. "I guess the two of you figured it out though, didn't you?"  
  
When she frowned at the question and looked away, his grin quickly faded. "I'm sorry Bev. I guess it's a little difficult to talk to me about Jean- Luc."  
  
Beverly shook her head quickly. "No, it's not that. It's just that I'm a little ticked off at Jean-Luc at the moment. He can be so pig-headed sometimes. He wouldn't even talk about coming down here to see you."  
  
"And that surprises you?" he snickered. "Did you really think he'd want to see his lover's husband, even if we *were* best friends a long time ago?"  
  
Beverly's mouth gaped open as her eyes widened at his comment.  
  
He was surprised by her reaction. "What?" he asked.  
  
"Jack, I'm really confused now. Jean-Luc and I are *not* lovers, but you should know that. What's going on here?"  
  
He looked down sheepishly. "Look, Bev. This is kind of hard to explain. We don't exactly download everything that's in your mind, you know. We see images, pictures, even feelings, but you have to be thinking about it, even subconsciously, while you're here for us to learn about it." He paused for a moment. If Beverly hadn't known better, she would have thought he was embarrassed. "We could see images of the two of you together, sense your emotions when you talked about him. I guess, I just assumed, knowing what I know about him from Walker and what I know from you, that you were lovers."  
  
She pulled away from him slightly. "Well, we're not," she said flatly.  
  
Jack frowned a moment before continuing, concerned that the caretaker had made such a mistake.  
  
"Okay," he said slowly. "Why aren't you?"  
  
Beverly blinked several times as she looked at the image of her husband, hoping he wasn't asking what she thought he was asking. Not knowing what else to say, she decided to play it safe.  
  
"Why aren't I what?"  
  
Jack rolled his eyes. He knew she was playing dumb. "Look, if the images we've seen from you are not reality, then they come from some *pretty* strong fantasies. So what's keeping you two apart? Why aren't you and Jean-Luc lovers?"  
  
She shook her head and looked away. The question sounded so absurd. "I don't believe this. My husband is asking why I haven't taken his best friend for my lover?"  
  
Jack continued to look at her, waiting for an answer that he realized was not forthcoming. "Well?"  
  
She looked at him and gasped again. "Jack, I really don't want to get into this conversation, especially not with you."  
  
He chuckled slightly and shook his head. "Yes, you do. You just don't want to admit it and you still haven't answered my question." She remained silent.  
  
Reluctantly, she allowed him to pull her back against him. "It's okay, Bev," he whispered. "You can talk to me. That's why I'm here, isn't it?"  
  
Beverly sighed and closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax against him again. She was quiet for several minutes and he allowed her the time to gather her thoughts.  
  
"I do love him, but you already know that," she began softly. "He loves me too, or at least I think he does." She sighed heavily. "But one thing or another always stands in our way. Starfleet protocol, the missions, other people, but all in all I guess the one thing that's keeps us apart is you." He didn't pretend to be surprised by her comment, but instead began to stroke her hair lightly, encouraging her to continue.  
  
"I'm to blame as much as he is. I've let your memory stand in our way too many times. Now I guess it's his turn. He just won't let go of the guilt. That's why he didn't come with me. He doesn't want to face you."  
  
Jack smiled; realizing what he was about to say would help her more than anything else he could do. "He's here now, Bev."  
  
She pulled away quickly and faced him. "What?" she gasped.  
  
Jack's eyes sparkled as he looked at her. "He's here on the planet, near the glade. He just beamed down." He was quiet for a brief moment, as if deep in thought and then he grinned. "You're right about one thing though, he scared shitless about seeing me." His grin faded and his voice softened. "And he does love you, more than you could ever imagine."  
  
***************  
  
Picard materialized near a small lake. The temperature on the planet was pleasant and he was glad that he had opted to wear civilian clothing. He had to admit, Riker's description of the planet didn't do it justice. It was one of the most peaceful settings that he had ever encountered.  
  
He wasn't sure why he decided to come. Perhaps, he thought, it was something Deanna had said about missed opportunities.  
  
Not knowing exactly what he was supposed to do next, he began walking along the lakeside. He was nervous about the possibility of seeing Jack, but more than that, he shuddered at the thought of the two of them together on the planet. He couldn't help but feel jealous, not only because she was with Jack, but also of the closeness they had shared as a couple.  
  
Closing his eyes for a moment, he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. The sweet smell of the air didn't dispel his feelings of apprehension and longing. He wanted what they had, that sense of belonging to another person. Only once in his life had he ever felt that close to anyone, but even now his logical mind reminded him that none of it was real.  
  
"Would you dismiss my love so easily?"  
  
The voice startled him, though he had no doubt to whom it belonged. Turning quickly, he took in a quick, shaky breath. He had been thinking of her, even before arriving on the planet. Somehow, it still surprised him to see Eline standing at the edge of the lake.  
  
Blinking several times, he could feel the tears burning his eyes as he breathed out her name and unconsciously raised a hand toward her.  
  
At the simple gesture, she smiled the sweetest smile he thought he had ever seen, the edges of her eyes crinkling a bit as the smile grew.  
  
"Hello, my love," she said as she approached him and reached out to take his hand.  
  
When their fingers met, Jean-Luc drew her in quickly, holding her so fiercely that the breath was forced from her lungs. She returned the embrace. They stood there for several moments, neither speaking until she pulled away slightly and touched the side of his face with her fingers.  
  
"Has your life been so lonely that I should receive such a welcome?" The words were tender, with just a hint of a smile hiding the concern in her voice.  
  
He was taken aback by the directness of her question and diverted his eyes from hers. So used to hiding his feelings, the sudden closeness he felt with her made him momentarily uneasy.  
  
"Please," she said softly. "Do not look away from me, Jean-Luc."  
  
His eyes darted back to hers at the mention of his name and she smiled tenderly.  
  
"Does it bother you that I call you such?"  
  
After a moment, he smiled shyly back at her. "No. It was just unexpected."  
  
Her smile broadened. "I thought it was appropriate, considering where we are."  
  
Eline took his hand again and tugged at him gently. "Walk with me, my love. Tell me of your life as it is now. Is it really so lonely?"  
  
As they began their slow stroll along the lake, Picard considered his answer for a moment. With her, he could be honest.  
  
"Sometimes," he answered. "I have my career, the crew, the ship, but sometimes I want more."  
  
"And is there no one special to share your life?" A small smile played across her lips. "No one to pick up your shoes when you forget to put them away?"  
  
Picard smiled at her gentle teasing. Somehow, he couldn't quite picture Beverly picking up after him as Eline had done. An image suddenly popped in his head of Beverly tossing his discarded boot at him, wagging her finger and admonishing him about conduct unbecoming an officer or some such acerbic remark. It suddenly dawned on him how different the two women were, Eline with her gentleness and Beverly with her fire. Yet he loved them both. "There is someone, a close friend. I don't know what I would have done without her these past few years."  
  
Eline noticed the sadness in his voice. "But, she does not love you?"  
  
"It's never been quite that simple. She was married to my best friend and I let him die. His death hurt her very deeply. Sometimes, I think we've gotten past the pain, that I understand how she feels. Still, there are other times when I'm not sure where we stand with each other." Picard sighed in disgust. "Now, thanks to this *lovely* planet, she doesn't need me. She can be with Jack again."  
  
Eline tried to mask her grin. "Then, I should be jealous?" It was more of a statement than a question.  
  
Picard stopped their stroll and faced her. For some reason, it had never crossed his mind that telling her about Beverly would hurt Eline's feelings.  
  
"Eline, I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I don't know what I was thinking. You know that I love you. I will always love you."  
  
She smiled tenderly at the look of panic on his face. Perhaps, he would finally understand. "I know, my love. As will I, but I am no longer a part of your life." She turned to continue their walk and pulled at his hand again. "I wonder what she would think about this?"  
  
Picard didn't understand the question. "What do you mean?"  
  
Eline grinned. "What would she think about you and I being alone together here, when all the while, you confess that you're in love with her?"  
  
Picard was appalled at the question. Was she suggesting that this was somehow improper?  
  
"That's ridiculous. You're not here to fulfill some . some foolish fantasy." He spat the words as if they were a foul taste in his mouth. "I would never use you like that."  
  
Eline shook her head. He still didn't get it. "And she would?"  
  
The question startled him and he paused. "To be honest, I don't know," he replied quietly as they continued their walk. "I suppose I've never really thought about it that way."  
  
They were silent for several moments before she continued. "And what of your friend? Do you not wish to see him as well?"  
  
Picard took in a deep breath, considering his answer. "I'm not sure. I thought I did. That's why I came down to the planet: to see Jack again. Beverly said that I should talk to him. I guess I'm a little afraid of what he might have to say."  
  
"Because you love his wife now that he is gone?"  
  
Picard nodded, but diverted his eyes away from her for several moments. He could not admit to Eline that he had fallen in love with Beverly long before Jack had died, that he had never truly forgotten that love even while on Kataan. How could he possibly explain to Eline that while he grew to love her dearly during their life together, he had also loved Beverly? He wasn't sure he understood it himself.  
  
Eline turned to face him, forcing him to look in her eyes. "Then go to them, Jean-Luc. Speak with him. If he was truly your friend, he will understand what is in your heart." She placed her hand tenderly on his chest. "As I understand, my love."  
  
Picard closed his eyes and allowed her words to wash over him, finally allowing part of the guilt and fear to lift from his shoulders. When he opened his eyes again, hers were still focused on his face, a gentle smile on her lips.  
  
"I will always love you, Eline," he said.  
  
"I know," she replied softly. "And I will always be your love." She kissed him tenderly. "Now, go. There is someone else who needs you now."  
  
*************  
  
Jack's revelation that Picard was on the planet both startled and elated Beverly. She didn't want Jean-Luc to find them together in the old cabin, but was happy that he was willing to face Jack.  
  
Knowing her fears, Jack suggested that they return to the glade. When they walked out the door of the old house, Beverly paused for a moment on the steps and looked back over her shoulder.  
  
"You know, I missed this old house," she said softly.  
  
Jack grinned. "Well, you could always bring Jean-Luc here. As I remember, it was good for us lots of times." Her look of shock suggested that he amend his idea. He shrugged. "Well, maybe not."  
  
Beverly just shook her head and began walking down the path to the woods. Men could be so dense sometimes, she thought.  
  
The couple spotted Picard in the distance a few minutes later as they approached the lake. Beverly tilted her head slightly, straining to get a better look at the woman who was leaving his side.  
  
"Who's that with Jean-Luc?" she asked.  
  
Jack covered a grin and shrugged. "Why don't you ask *him*?"  
  
She shot him a look and he struggled to contain his laughter. "You know, you can really be annoying, sometimes," she said as she walked on ahead. She could hear his chuckles as he tried to match her pace.  
  
When they reached Picard, Eline had disappeared in a nearby grove of trees and Jack had regained his composure. His eyes still fixed on the where Eline entered the trees, Picard turned suddenly as he heard them approach and his body stiffened noticeably.  
  
Jack and Picard stared at each other for several moments, neither willing to break eye contact. Beverly immediately sensed the tension between the two men and stepped closer to Picard.  
  
"Hello, Jean-Luc," she said, holding her hands in front of her to hide their trembling. "I'm glad you decided to join us." He didn't acknowledge her comment but continued to stare at the man in front of him.  
  
Jack let a small grin escape his lips after a moment. "It's been a long time, Jean-Luc."  
  
"Indeed," was his only reply, never taking his eyes off the man's face.  
  
The grin on Jack's face grew. "Still the same old Johnny. Not willing to give an inch, are you?"  
  
Beverly looked from one man to the other. Her gaze finally rested on Jack, who recognized the look of panic on her face. These first few minutes had not gone as well as she had hoped.  
  
Jack took her hand. "It's okay, Bev. I think the captain and I just need a little time alone to clear the air. Why don't you go back to the glade? We'll be along soon enough." His smile reassured her a little and she turned, walking by Jean-Luc.  
  
Just as she passed him, she paused for a moment and touched his arm, leaning over so that only he could hear her words. "He won't bite, Jean- Luc. Talk to him. Please." His eyes wavered from his opponent briefly and rested on her face. He gave her a sad smile and nodded briefly. She took his smile as an assurance that he was willing to try. Giving his arm a gentle squeeze, she returned his smile and reluctantly continued toward the lake, leaving the two men alone.  
  
After Beverly was out of earshot, Jack was the first to break the silence. He approached Picard cautiously, his hands joined behind him.  
  
"Walk with me, Jean-Luc."  
  
Picard mimicked his stance and fell into step beside Jack. They walked for several moments, neither of them speaking as they each focused on the path ahead of them.  
  
"We really do need to clear the air, don't we?"  
  
Picard glanced over at Jack, eyeing him cautiously, before turning his attention back to the path. "What did you have in mind?"  
  
Jack slowed his pace and chuckled, allowing Picard to take a step ahead of him. When Picard turned around, he came face to face with a right hook, knocking him off balance and into the dirt.  
  
"What the hell was that for?" Picard yelled, rubbing his jaw as he lay on the ground.  
  
Jack laughed. "Oh, come on Johnny, it's the least I could do for my 'best friend.'" His face grew angry. "What would you do if someone was screwing your wife?"  
  
Picard stood up quickly, jerking his shirt back in place. "Beverly and I are friends, nothing more. You should know that better than anyone."  
  
"Friends? Now, that's a laugh." The sarcasm was dripping from his voice. "You forget. I know what's in your mind, Johnny. I know the fantasies you've had about her. You've had her in bed more than I did." He chuckled cruelly. "Well, I'll let you in on a little secret, Picard. I can tell you from experience. Your fantasies have *nothing* on the real thing."  
  
Picard steeled his eyes and wiped the spattering of blood from his lip. "Stop this. I won't fight with you." He turned to walk away.  
  
Jack called after him. "You can't get rid of me so easily this time, Johnny."  
  
His comment had the desired affect and Picard spun on his heel to face him. "How *dare* you speak to me like that. You are *not* Jack Crusher, no matter who you pretend to be." He spat the words as he approached, his fists balled at his side. "Jack Crusher was my friend and I would have easily given my life for his."  
  
Jack stood his ground, but his features softened. "You're absolutely right, Captain, but I *did* get your attention." He paused for a moment. "You would have died in his place if you could have. But that's the problem isn't it: Jack died and you didn't? He died and left you alone; alone with the guilt - alone with Beverly."  
  
Picard was taken aback by the change in the man's tactic and turned his eyes away.  
  
"Don't be so surprised, Jean-Luc. Did you think I wouldn't know how you really felt?"  
  
Jack's expression changed to one of amusement as took a step back and chuckled. "You know, you really are a hard ass, Picard. Why do you think you came here anyway? To appease Beverly? To see an old friend?" He shook his head, answering his own questions. "That's not why you're here. I can see past the surface, Jean-Luc. I can see deep inside you, things that you're not willing to admit even to yourself."  
  
He paused for a moment, allowing Picard the time to understand his meaning. "You know, you and Beverly aren't that different. You put up these walls around yourselves, not allowing either of you to get too close." Jack lifted his hands dramatically into the air and grinned. "Ahh, but 'there is the rub' as your Shakespeare so eloquently put it. Little by little, you each chip away at each others walls, 'hoping and yet not hoping,' that one day the walls will fall."  
  
His face turned serious, but his words were gentle. "Let it go, Jean-Luc. I'm not Jack. I'm merely a reflection of how you see him, deep inside yourself, and deep inside, you know that all he ever wanted was for his wife and his best friend to be happy."  
  
Picard studied the man before him for a moment. "How do I know you're not  
  
just telling me what I want to hear? Isn't that what you people do - make  
  
their fantasies and dreams into reality?"  
  
Jack grinned and sat down on a nearby rock. "You know, no one's ever asked  
  
me that before, but it's a fair question. Do you want an honest answer?"  
  
Picard nodded for him to continue, but his expression was still skeptical.  
  
Jack paused for a moment, as if trying to put his thoughts into words.  
  
"You're right. We do strive to please our customers, but this situation is  
  
not what we normally run into. Perhaps we could have created a *passable*  
  
Jack from your memories, but what we've done here is much more. We have  
  
three different images of Jack to pull from, yours, Beverly's and Walker's.  
  
You each saw him quite differently, you know, but the Jack before you now is  
  
a culmination of all three. So, in answering your question, I couldn't tell you what you want to hear unless Beverly and Walker also thought it was  
  
something that the real Jack would actually say."  
  
Picard continued to study the man before him. If his explanation was  
  
accurate, could he really believe the things this Jack was telling him?  
  
Would his friend really have been happy if he and Beverly developed a deeper  
  
relationship?  
  
"You have a lot of questions, Captain. The answers may surprise you, but  
  
you never know until you ask." Jack's eyebrows shot up quickly and his  
  
mouth quirked into a lop-sided grin.  
  
Picard couldn't help but smile as he remembered the many times he had seen  
  
that expression on Jack Crusher's face. Perhaps this man did have a special  
  
insight into Jack, but he still wasn't completely convinced.  
  
"You still don't trust me, do you, Captain?" Jack's eyes widened and he  
  
grinned, as if an idea had just popped into his head. "What if I tell you  
  
something you don't know, but when you find out, you'll know that it's  
  
true?"  
  
A skeptical look came over Picard's face. "What do you mean?"  
  
"The last time you saw Walker, he said that you "owed" him, didn't he?"  
  
Jack waited for Picard to acknowledge his question with a nod before  
  
continuing. "And you didn't have a clue what he meant? " Again Picard  
  
nodded. "Well, I can tell you why he said it," Jack said with a satisfied  
  
grin firmly planted on his face.  
  
Picard sighed. He wasn't sure he liked this game, but he was curious.  
  
Walker's comment had never really made sense to him, even after all  
  
these years. He regretted that he never had the opportunity to ask him  
  
about it.  
  
Jack studied Picard for a moment. "I know what Walker meant, but be sure  
  
you want to know, Captain. It may not be what you want to hear."  
  
Picard narrowed his eyes at Jack. He was tired of these riddles. "I don't  
  
think you can really tell me anything I don't already know, but go ahead."  
  
Jack looked Picard squarely in the eyes. "You owed him because he was left  
  
to pick up the pieces when I died. You took off like a scared rabbit after  
  
the funeral, leaving Walker to take care of Bev and Wesley. It was your  
  
responsibility, Picard. You were their friend, but you didn't even call to  
  
check up on them, did you?"  
  
Picard shook his head forcefully. "That is not what happened. I left  
  
because she didn't want me around. I was a reminder of all that she had  
  
lost and she hated me for it. I did *not* run away from my responsibility.  
  
I was doing her a favor by staying away. I knew that Walker would take care  
  
of her, and he did."  
  
"A favor?" Jack raised his voice an octave. "You were her friend for five  
  
years and suddenly, when I wasn't around any more, you were gone. Do you  
  
have any idea how much that hurt Bev? It was like you didn't care for her  
  
and Wesley at all any more, now that I wasn't a part of the picture." Jack  
  
took in a breath and let it out quickly, the frustration showing in his  
  
voice. "Think, Picard. What was it you felt from Beverly when you finally  
  
told her why you left? You remember. When you were running from the Prytt,  
  
you told her that you felt guilty about your feelings. It wasn't anger that  
  
you felt from her that night, was it?"  
  
"No, she wasn't angry," he replied quietly. "Though she should have been.  
  
I betrayed her trust." He sighed. "Jack's trust. I should never have  
  
allowed myself to feel the way I did."  
  
"Then what did she feel that night? If it wasn't anger, what was it:  
  
confusion, regret, embarrassment? Was she upset at all?" He asked the  
  
questions quickly, never giving Picard the chance to answer. "It was none  
  
of those feelings, was it? What's the one thing to describe her feelings?"  
  
Picard thought back for a moment, trying to put into words the feelings he  
  
sensed from Beverly that night. Suddenly he understood and he stared opened- mouthed at the ground.  
  
"No," he answered quietly, a hint of wonder in his voice. "She was  
  
relieved. She was relieved that I still cared for her after Jack had died,  
  
that we were still friends."  
  
Jack stood up and threw his hands into the air. "Finally," he exclaimed. "You know, for a minute there, I wasn't sure you would figure it out." He paused for a moment and studied Picard, who was lost in his own thoughts. "So, you see, Captain, I know what I'm talking about."  
  
Picard looked up at the man, confused and frustrated by the things he was hearing. "But that doesn't prove anything. You still can't tell me how Jack would have felt."  
  
"That's true. I don't have Jack's mind to draw from, but I do have the three of you. I can never be one hundred percent accurate, but it's the best chance you'll ever get to understand how you all think he would have reacted." Jack paused for a moment before continuing. "Your friend wasn't perfect, but he was a good man. He wouldn't begrudge the happiness you and Bev can find in each other."  
  
Picard looked up at him and took in a deep, shaky breath. Jack answered his next question before he could utter it.  
  
"I don't know that, Captain," he said solemnly. "He never said anything to Bev or Walker, so either he didn't know how you felt or he chose to keep it to himself."  
  
Picard nodded sadly and returned his gaze to the ground. He had hoped for more.  
  
"I will say this much. I don't think it would have bothered him that much if he had known that you loved her. He trusted you, Jean-Luc, just like he trusted Beverly. Why wouldn't he? Neither of you gave him any reason not to."  
  
After a moment, Jack walked nearer to Picard and motioned in the direction toward the glade. "Come on. Bev is probably wondering if we've torn each other's head's off by now," he said with a grin.  
  
Picard chuckled lightly. Jack was probably right. He had kept her waiting long enough.  
  
As Jack began walking slowly, Picard joined in step beside him.  
  
They were about halfway to their destination when something occurred to Picard and he stopped.  
  
Jack immediately slowed his pace and turned toward him.  
  
"There's one thing that I still don't understand."  
  
"Only one?" Jack chuckled. "Go ahead. Ask away. I'll do my best to answer you."  
  
Picard studied him for a moment. "If you truly know how Jack would feel, that he would hold no ill feelings toward me, then why did you strike me?"  
  
"That's an easy one, Captain," Jack laughed. "It's the one thing that you expected me to do." Taking a step closer to Picard, Jack's face turned serious. "If I had said that everything was fine, that I wished you and Bev all the best, you wouldn't have believed me for a minute. You needed me to be angry, to strike out at you. Otherwise you would have never trusted me."  
  
Picard considered his words as they continued down the path. It was true. Above all else, he expected him to be angry. Even now, it was difficult to accept Jack's understanding when it came to Beverly. For years, Picard had let guilt cloud his perception of the man he once called his best friend. In retrospect, he realized that dealing with the guilt had been easier than dealing with the loss of his friend.  
  
Still, he knew things were unfinished between them.  
  
"Jack, there is something I need to say." He nodded for him to continue and tried to suppress a smile, realizing that it was the first time Picard had actually called him 'Jack.'  
  
"This is difficult for me. I've never been good at expressing my feelings." He took a deep breath and swallowed. "When Beverly told me you were here, I was angry. I was angry at the caretaker and I was angry at Beverly for wanting to see you." He paused a moment before continuing. "I tried to talk her out of coming back to the planet, but she was adamant about it. She asked me to come with her, but I refused. I tried to tell her that none of this was real, that it would only hurt her more to see you. In reality, I was afraid, afraid of seeing you and afraid that she would choose you again over me, that seeing you again would only reinforce how she felt about you."  
  
"And do you still feel that way?"  
  
Picard took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "No. I realize she will always love you, just as I will always love .." His voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. "The point is, you are a part of who she is. Without you, the Beverly I know would have never existed. You are her past. All I can ever hope is to become a part of her future."  
  
"So where do we go from here?" Jack asked as they began their walk again.  
  
Picard sighed, spotting Beverly as she knelt near the lake's edge ahead of them. The sun was nearly set and the moon's reflection shimmered across the lake. He couldn't image her looking more beautiful than she did at that moment. "I guess that's up to Beverly. She knows how I feel about her."  
  
Jack stopped and waited for Picard to face him. "Does she?"  
  
The look on Picard's face confirmed what Jack already knew. He wasn't absolutely sure that Beverly knew he still loved her. After Kes-Prytt, they had never really talked about it. Then with the destruction of the D, they seemed to drift apart, only recently regaining the comfortable friendship they once enjoyed.  
  
"You're not even sure about how she feels, are you?" Jack shook his head at Jean-Luc's discomfort. "Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?" He shrugged his shoulders in the direction of the glade. Beverly was walking rather quickly toward them.  
  
Picard tugged at the hem of his shirt and forced a smile as she approached them. Looking back to Jack quickly for reassurance, he met her halfway, with Jack following only a few steps behind.  
  
Beverly looked from one man to the other. The wicked grin on Jack's face, combined with the uncomfortable smile on Jean-Luc's, made her nervous.  
  
"I was beginning to wonder what happened to you two," she said.  
  
Not knowing quite how to respond, Picard again turned slightly, looking toward Jack.  
  
Beverly's eyes widened at the now visible cut on Picard's lip. "Jean-Luc, you're bleeding," she said, raising a shaky hand to his face to examine the wound. Her heart began to pound wildly as she realized that their meeting had actually come to blows.  
  
Seeing the concern in her eyes, Picard placed his hand over hers and lowered it back to their sides. "It's all right," he assured her, glancing back at Jack slightly before turn his eyes back to meet her gaze. "We had a slight misunderstanding, but everything's fine now."  
  
She studied his face, trying to determine if he was as comfortable with meeting Jack as he appeared to be now. "Are you all right?" she asked cautiously.  
  
Knowing that she wasn't asking about the cut to his face, he smiled slightly and squeezed her hand.  
  
"Yes," he answered quietly. "I'm fine."  
  
His gentle voice helped belay her fears and she let out a shaky breath as she returned his smile.  
  
The sound of Jack clearing his throat reminded them that he was still standing a few feet away.  
  
"I think I'll go on ahead," he said coyly as he began walking back toward the glade. "I'll see you both before you leave, okay?"  
  
Picard nodded to his friend before turning his gaze back to Beverly. He really didn't know where to begin. So many things had been made clear to him within the last few hours. He was at a loss of how to explain the feelings that he finally allowed to surface in his heart.  
  
He tugged slightly at their still joined hands and began leading her back toward the lake.  
  
They walked in silence for several moments. Beverly wondered briefly if Jean-Luc realized he was still holding her hand. It was unlike him to express his feelings so openly, but she wasn't about to mention it for fear that he would once again put up the shield he so often hid behind. It was obvious to her that he was thinking about his meeting with Jack, but didn't want to push him into voicing his thoughts too soon. She pushed away her curiosity for a moment and remembered the woman that Picard had been with when she and Jack saw him at the lake. It seemed like a safe subject to break the ice.  
  
"So, who were you speaking with earlier at the lake? Was it one of the other caretakers?"  
  
The startled expression on his face told her that perhaps this wasn't as safe as she thought it would be.  
  
"No," he answered quietly before clearing his throat. "Her name was Eline. She was my . " He caught himself in mid-sentence, wondering how Beverly would react to the knowledge that Eline was on the planet. "She was Kamin's wife on Kataan."  
  
It wasn't necessary for Jean-Luc to explain who Eline was. She recognized the name immediately. Beverly knew some of the details of his life on Kataan, knew that in his mind he had been married and had a family there. She also knew that though he never spoke to her about that life, it had affected him deeply. The realization that his thoughts had brought Eline to this planet surprised her. So caught up in her situation with Jack, she hadn't realized that Jean-Luc's thoughts could also become reality here. It made her uneasy to think that perhaps he was still in love with Eline.  
  
"You must miss her very much," she said quietly.  
  
Picard sighed. "Sometimes. It's hard to remember that none of it was real."  
  
Seeing the sad expression on his face, she squeezed his hand slightly. "It was real to you."  
  
He smiled. "Perhaps." He was quiet for a moment. "It was good to see her again. It helped me understand why you wanted to see Jack."  
  
She was glad that he had brought up the subject of Jack. He had not volunteered much about their conversation and she was still curious about what had happened between them.  
  
"So, are you going to tell me about this misunderstanding, as you put it, or am I going to have to ask Jack?"  
  
Picard smiled again at the hint of playfulness in her voice. He knew the suspense was killing her and could feel her eyes on him as they walked. Keeping his own eyes focused on the trail ahead, he took a deep breath, trying to put his feelings into words.  
  
She waited all of 30 seconds before saying his name, a not-too-subtle reminder that she was still waiting for him to answer her earlier question.  
  
Only then did he allow himself a brief glance at her before returning his eyes to the path. He was trying to act as nonchalant as possible, while inside, his stomach was anything but calm. He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. "We worked out a few things, though I'll admit it did get off to a bit of a shaky start," he said, wincing slightly as he brought his free hand up to touch his lip.  
  
Beverly shook her head. "I'm sorry, Jean-Luc. It's not like Jack to do something like that. I can't imagine what came over him."  
  
Picard let out a small chuckle. Noticing the confused look on Beverly's face, he attempted to explain his amusement. "I guess *I'm* the one who imagined it." Seeing an even more confused look on her face, he turned serious again and amended his comment. "Jack said that I *expected* him to be angry with me, so that's how he acted."  
  
Jean-Luc's candor took her off guard. She knew exactly what he meant: he expected Jack to be angry because of his feelings for her. Looking away, she quickly swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "Jean-Luc, I don't know what to say. I'm beginning to think asking you to see him was a big mistake."  
  
Picard squeezed her hand slightly and halted their stroll, causing her to face him. He allowed a small reassuring smile to cross his face and forced her to meet his gaze. "No, don't be sorry. It wasn't a mistake, Beverly." He released her eyes and tugged at her hand lightly, continuing their walk down the path. "I needed to see him as much as you did, perhaps even more."  
  
She was surprised by his admission, but didn't dare show it. Allowing him to continue without interruption, she heard him sigh deeply.  
  
"I think I understand now why you wanted to return here. Seeing him again made me remember what kind of man he really was. I never realized before how much I had allowed my own feelings to cloud my memories of him." Picard paused for a moment and took another deep breath. It was time to put his guilt behind him and move on.  
  
"He also reminded me of some things I've neglected to do in my life."  
  
She nodded, not really understanding his statement, but wanting him to continue. "Such as?"  
  
Picard stopped, but held fast to her hand, allowing her momentum to turn her slightly toward him. He recognized the concern in her eyes and smiled as he took his other hand and caressed her cheek with his fingers.  
  
"Such as," he began softly, "telling you I am sorry for leaving you alone after he died." He closed his eyes briefly as the regret of abandoning her washed over him. Swallowing quickly to steady his emotions, he continuing hoarsely. "Such as, allowing guilt to control my life. Such as," he paused, hoping that by catching her gaze, he could somehow reinforce the sincerity of his words, "Such as not telling you how empty that life would be without you, how much I love you and will always love you."  
  
Beverly was not prepared for the onslaught of emotions that coursed through her with each new declaration. At the mention of Jack's death, she turned from him slightly, again reminded that their time together here had only been a fantasy. When she heard the hoarseness in Jean-Luc's voice, she forced herself to look at his face again. His last declaration caused a single unshed tear to stream down her cheek.  
  
Picard regretted his words after seeing the tear. Once again, he thought, he had hurt the woman he loved, confronting her with emotions that she obviously didn't share. Softly, he bushed the tear away with his thumb.  
  
"Beverly, I'm sorry."  
  
Realizing that he misunderstood the cause of her tears, she brought her hand up to cover his, moving it slightly so she could kiss his palm. The gentleness of the kiss caused the breath to catch in his throat and he opened his mouth to speak again. She quieted him with the touch of her fingers to his lips.  
  
"Jean-Luc, please. Don't." She smiled softly at the look of surprise on his face. "Don't say you're sorry. I love you. I have for a long time and I can't imagine my life without you."  
  
The words, combined with the kiss to his palm, stunned him, but only for a moment. He would not allow this opportunity to pass as he had so many others. Leaning in closer to her, he placed his lips on hers gently, repeating her words in his mind to convince himself that they were true. After a moment, he pulled away slightly, searching her eyes for any signs of regret. Finding none, he leaned in again and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly against him as he kissed her again more passionately.  
  
Beverly returned the kiss, snaking her own arms around his shoulders and neck, loving the feel of his body pressed to hers. The sudden fear caused by his brief hesitation was quickly overpowered by the intensity of the kiss.  
  
When they finally parted, they stared at each other for several moments, each knowing that the wall that had kept them apart for so long was finally dissolving, piece by piece.  
  
Picard reached for her hand again and brought it slowly to his lips.  
  
The gentleness of the kiss, combined with the look in his eyes as his lips touched the back of her hand, sent a shiver down Beverly's spine. She had never seen Jean-Luc look so vulnerable. There were no barriers, no shields blocking his emotions. It was as if he was willing her to look straight through his eyes to the love he held in his heart. It was the most wonderful sight she had ever beheld.  
  
A slight smile that crossed his lips made her realize that she had been staring at him, her mouth slightly open, for some time. Licking her lips, she could feel herself blush ferociously and tore her eyes away from his gaze in order to regain her senses again. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself again in his arms, but instead placed her hands lightly on his chest. She knew they both had one more thing to do before they could leave.  
  
"Jean-Luc," she said slowly, her eyes still slightly lowered.  
  
His smile faded, a tinge of uncertainty returning when she looked away from him. "Yes," he replied quietly, almost afraid of what she wanted to say.  
  
Beverly paused for a moment. She did not want to be misunderstood and formed her words carefully.  
  
"I'm ready to leave, but first, I want to go back to the glade." She looked up slowly. "I need to tell him goodbye."  
  
Beverly searched his eyes. She hoped he would understand her need to see Jack one last time. His brief look of confusion quickly faded and he squeezed her hand.  
  
"Come on," he said softly, tugging at her hand as an understanding smile crossed his face. "Let's go say goodbye."  
  
They walked slowly, hand in hand, to the moonlit glade. Neither spoke as they approached the lone figure crouched beside the lake. Beverly gave Jean-Luc a sad smile, which he returned, as he released her hand and nodded for her to walk ahead while he waited.  
  
Jack stood up as he saw her walking toward him and gave her his best Crusher grin. Beverly smiled as she kissed him on the cheek and hugged him for a moment.  
  
"You'll be leaving soon," Jack said when she released him, his grin now replaced by a sad smile.  
  
Beverly knew he wasn't really asking a question, but answered him anyway.  
  
"In a few minutes." She took his hand and they began walking around the edge of the lake. "I wanted to thank you."  
  
He looked over at her. "Thank me? For what?"  
  
Beverly shrugged. "I don't know. For being here for me. For helping me work out my feelings." She sighed. "But most of all, I guess, for helping Jean-Luc."  
  
Jack chuckled. "He is a tough old bird. You're going to have your work cut out for you, you know?" He chuckled again. "He can almost be as stubborn as a certain red-head I know."  
  
She laughed softly at his teasing and then turned somber. "I'm going to miss you."  
  
He stopped their stroll and faced her. Taking his hand, he placed it under her chin to raise her eyes. "No, you won't," he said softly. "I'll always be with you, Bev." He touched her chest lightly with his fingers. "In here. And I always will be." He paused, tilting his head slightly to catch her gaze again. "Think of me, every once and a while, and know that I would be happy that I am no longer alone in your heart."  
  
She smiled sadly through the tears that had formed in her eyes. "Goodbye, Jack."  
  
Again, he returned the sad smile and squeezed her hands lightly before releasing them. After a moment, she turned, wiping a lone tear away as she walked back toward Jean-Luc.  
  
As she approached him, Jean-Luc opened his arms to her and she gratefully fell into them. They stood there silent for several moments before she pulled away.  
  
"Let's go home," she said, wiping away another stray tear before giving him a sad smile.  
  
As they dissolved into a shimmer of light, another couple looked on from the side of the glade, each smiling that they had accomplished their tasks.  
  
The END 


End file.
